I had a prompting a few days before my grandpa passed away two years ago to write a blog directed at him to try and help him not fear death.
Unfortunately I didn’t heed that quiet prompting and so I am writing this as a memorial to him with the hopes of righting a wrong that will stay with me for a long time.
I was able to talk to him over the phone a few weeks before he passed, and told him I loved him. I don’t deal with death very well so how I cope is either through music or writing.
My grandpa was not a member of the LDS faith, and expressed to my family that he feared death-he didn’t know what was on the other side. He suffered from blood cancer, among other ailments and he didn’t have a lot of time to think about what comes after we leave this earth.
He told us he thought he had lived a good, fulfilling life, he didn’t have any regrets, and passed peacefully at home surrounded by loved ones.
Grandpa I want to tell you that you needn’t fear. When our spirits leave our body and we return home to God and the Savior, we will experience an incredible peace and comfort. The pains and afflictions of our mortal bodies will be removed, and we will feel that burden lifted.
I wish I could have told you my testimony of the Plan of Salvation- the knowledge that after we die, our spirits live on to eventually be resurrected by the immense power of the priesthood, and we will be placed in a heavenly kingdom to be at peace for eternity.
I wish I could have told you that I knew the Savior died for you. That he knew exactly what it felt like to have cancer. He knew the pains, the setbacks, the frustrations and complications. He knew the process of treatments, the small victories lead by disastrous downfalls. He knew the battles of the mind as well. The doubts, the uncertainty, the sorrow. He knew it because he experienced exactly what my grandfather went through.
I wish I could have told you that we have a loving Heavenly Father who is mindful of us and is always aware of our circumstances. He weeps when we weep, he knows us in a way no one does besides the Savior because He is the Father of our spirits- we are his most prized creations.
I wish I could have expressed my feelings about the power the spirit can bring into our lives if we allow it. It can calm those fears, put to rest our doubts and give us comfort when it seems there are no answers.
I wish I could have told him I know Christ’s Church was restored through Joseph Smith, and that he translated the Book of Mormon through the gift and power of God. It goes hand in hand with the Bible and testifies of Christ.
Most importantly I wish I could have told him how much he meant to me-his example of what a father should be trickled down to my own father and for that I am eternally grateful. He treated his wife like a queen, showed us all what it means to be a good husband and gentleman.
I wish I could have told him that I know I will see him again. The next life is centered around family and loved ones-it is all part of a Grand eternal plan. God is a God of love and he wants all of His children to return to dwell with him.
My father and uncle had the privilege of acting as proxy for his baptism in the temple today and I felt such a peace and calm throughout the day knowing my grandfather had the opportunity to accept the gospel. It is an eternal saving ordinance if done by the proper authority and brings joy and understanding in an ever increasingly confusing world.
Thank you Grandpa for being an incredible man, a wise counselor, and a beloved father.
You will be sorely missed.